neopets commandements. read. or else. i shall smite you.

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 10:13:45 GMT

(x-posted everywhere. yay. go the propaganda. and, watch people fall asleep while reading me.)

Fear. Fear the irony-savored thing I post. Yes, I have no life. Get over it. Hello people. It was originally built for Neopianrants. But, I dub thee the Commandements.
Or "You gotta do what you gotta do. Even on a virtual pet site."
Started to write at 2:30 AM, I finished it at 5. -_-

1.Thou shall not beg

Of course, you shall not ask for anyone else's possessions. Especially since we all start with 200 NP. (Probably of getting the Bug brothers in the first fifteen minuts of your account being quite low). By begging, I don't mean "harassing me for my items-points-accounts-pets-avatars by flooding my inbox".

I mean, asking for them. Or, anyone else. I didn't have flash during 90% of my account life. I restocked. Crappily, but, I did.

2.Thou shall not steal

Of course, don't scam. Unless you're Illusen. Asking us for UB before your evil sugar potion is bad. But, unless you're the Meridellian faerie, I'd advice you not to trick me into buying your useless items, giving you my PW or whatever.

You'll feel better getting your items the hard way. Trust me.

3.Thou shall not pretend to be someone you're not for NP or pity

No, you're not Hillary Duff. No, you're not pregnant. No, you're not Adam(Powell). I'm not going to give you anything. Even if you were.
You're also not fat, not suicidal and not a vampire.

If you are any of those, tell me WHY you told me on Neopets? Not on Livejournal or something. You ARE a rule-breaker, though. Or, you lack attention.

4.Thou shall not spam with chain letters

COPY N PASTE THIS IN 28 BOARDS IN THE AC AND JHUDORA WILL APPEAR AND GIVE YOU A SWIFT KICK IN THE BUTT.

This is the only one certified to work. Hey hey.

5.Thou shall not sell your soul for an avatar

Meaning, don't ask anyone to play games for you, lending a cherished pet they said they wouldn't, ask for a MSPP-Tiki Armour- FQD without decent collateral. You're better than that.

I'd also include "Don't pay 1 million for a colorfill like orange-pink" but, I sold 50K of inflated popcorn.

(Yes, even you Jazz/Zidane/theothers. I do not mind you selling your liver, though.) Just...not your soul.

6.Thou shall not harass someone whose pet has a nifty name

I have a Shoyru called Year. Living on the account tigren. Every day, I find 5 battledomes challenges there. -_-

I'm too lazy to block, or whatever. But, really, don't do that. You wouldn't like it.

I should start a fund of "Get Year dual SoS for n00binating"

7.Thou shall respect the competitors

Don't go and dung chibi_zoo because her picture made it into the gallery and yours don't.
Don't spam aphromeda's mailbox because she got that Kad before you.
Don't bitch about Jazz or neggyweggs because they have/had more avs than you.
Don't accuse solidus of cheating.

Neopets is a representation of the American Dream, reach for the top. They did it, so can you.

By the way, Jazz pwns your socks. Zidane isn't THAT bad. Dwaggie does not eats babies. Cindy isn't a Slorg and Carmy, not a Mozito. Don't go and say they are teh evil, please. Not in public.

And, we miss you Hippie. Come back. =(

8.Thou shall not clog your shop with too much stuff.

Please. When I'm on Illusen's quest and want to get an item, I don't really care about your "Salvation= Free" fake item, guild banners, Hillary Duff music or whatever.

I want the item. That's it. Make your shop simple or, overprice your stuff.

Thanks.

9.Thou shall not abuse cheats or grey zones.

No multiple accounts for dailies. Please. You give us, multi-account users, a bad name. Most of my spares have nifty named pets, such as the mentionned Year or Demetrius.

Don't use ABers. I want that Gallion too, dude.

Don't use cheat programs for games. A friend of mine was falsely iced for that(2300 on Volcano run) and, trust me, it's not really fair. For him. And, for me, since I'm sick of seeing my 16 ps scores on Dubloon Disaster checked.

10.Thou shall not smite the Red Pteri.

If you don't like the message, don't hurt the messenger. Of course, he's in the BD for trashing but, is Taelia evil? (Well, yes.) Is Tiki Tack Man evil? He's not evil.

And, when the site is DFM, it's usually to fix bugs.

...right?

11.Thou shall not bitch about the banner ads.

At least, not on the Neoboards. =D Here, it's fine. This is a ranting community. But, usually, they end up in someone getting iced.

Any argument does, in fact. Vegetarism, animal care, tattoos, name it! =D

12.Thou shall not harass me for referrals

I already am over the limit of 5 accounts. *hides* I have six already. Leave me alone. Go ask someone else. Like your sister. Your dog. Your bonsai.

13.Thou shall not talk politics.

Not only this is agaisnt the rules, but, no one truly cares if you <3 or </3>14.Thou shall not make fun of poor foreign grammar.</b>

Finnish grammar =/= English grammar.

So, don't go and insult the Finn doing a board about Turmy, mispelling everything, but Turmaculus. Don't go and insult someone making a typo. In contradiction...

15.English persons...Thou shall learn to spell

Hello, I am French. I love English. I speak it decently.
You should too. So, if it is your first lenguage, try to impress me via the way you talk.
I am not a cryptograph, pal. Chtspk blocks in my head.

16.TNT, Thou shall instore a ignore button.

Because, while I was lurking yesterday on a friend's spare account, I fell on someone here's board in the HC. Quit it after 5 minuts, because of a ignorant person posting nonesense in it.

Bleh. AIM has this nifty ignore feature. Wish you could on Neoboards.

Or, computers could be equipped with lasers. You act like a dofo = you get burnt.

17.Thou shall not abuse the report

Unless it's personnal harassement. When something is bad enough to report, a zillion people will have done so before you could say Zaptwig.

And, when it's personnal issues, do not drag in on the Neoboards.

18.Thou shall not make fun of someone with less avatars/scores/trophies than you.

Only one of my pets has a petpet. On my main. I do not invest myself a lot in this game. Because for me, it is a game.

I'd pwn your butt at Volleyball. You'd pwn my butt at Neopets. We're even. I'm horrible at the Mynci volleyball game thingy. =D Don't challenge me at it. Please. If you pass by Gatineau, I'll teach you a lesson.

And, I don't think I ever went over 500K. I have my grey av because of a FF Quest. I am lazy.

19.Thou shall not give the answer away to the LC. Or anything else

Moron. Thanks for lowering my chances at the only avatar I might use. Lennies do rule. I don't have any anymore but, they do rock. More than Pterii.

But, Pterii pwned in the last war.

20.Thou shall not make a board about recieving-giving something from someone

Made the mistake once when someone gave me my FF Quest item. Never ever again. Shiggy had so many beggar mails in the following days. Not funny.

If you are a Secret Santa, at least, have a joinable way. Neomails unblocked or BD challenges allowed. Please. You're doing wonderful deeds. But, the best thing would be to find a way to go and let people thank you.

(Yes, I did this kind of stuff. Twice. With neomails unblocked. You'd be surprised. One neomail ban, too many 100-messages to count. And, still a couple of boards about me.)

21.Thou shall not ask strangers gifts for your birthday.

On April 1st, trust me, first thing I'll do won't be to go and ask people on the streets money and cake. Don't do that on Neo. Please. Yes, it goes in "Thou shall not beg" but...I don't know if it truly is your birthday or not.

I missed on the avatar because of my birthday last year. Meh.

22.TNT, Thou shall not advantage time zones with certain avatars

I missed on the Gadgads avatar on my spare, where I was connected all day. Late at night(Near 11:15 PM), I got it on my main.

That's it.

How many people missed on it?

Few Merkins, I suppose. Lots of Brits, perhaps.

23.Thou shall not brag

Don't rub in my face you have a Plushie Skeith and I don't. Especially not when saying my pets suck via Neomail.

The Plushie Skeith is my absolute favorite pet on the site, I used my FF quest for an avatar(Which isn't buzzin), I cannot save NP to save my life...meh to me. Good for you. But, don't harass me with "You suk ,lolroflmo"

Don't be obnoxious about your riches, dude. Or lassies.

24.Thou shall not insult TNT's silliness policies

The random contest rules ARE funny.
I liked the Talk like a pirate day filter.
Quigukis are cute.
The Darigan Poogle is better than the Darigan Shoyru.
Happiness Faerie > Fyora

Yes, TNT has a lot of issues. Freezing, and stuff. But, they can have a sense of humor. However.

25.Thou shall not worship asparagus, dung and purple-orange mix

Because all of those jokes are overused. All of those have an avatar. (Bleh, I'm smelly and Buzzin' [Split= ugly])

Go worship radishes, cotton candy and green-yellow mixes.

26.Thou shall not believe in instant friendship.

Instant friendship = very no. If you see me on a board, with my nifty grey avatar, don't be my friend because I'm oh so rich.

I'm not. And, I'm sure really few people like that. Would you go and ask people on the street to be your friend?

27.Thou shall not insult anyone's tastes
(Damn, I said I'd stop at 26)

Split and Checkered are icky colors. Sketch however pwns.
Grarrls = No.
Skeiths = Yes.

I don't like Good Charlotte, I like Capitaine Révolte.
I don't like Lindsay Lohan, Pascale Buissières is better.
Barbarian Invasions and Amélie pwns LOTR.

So, do not invite me to a guild about something you like. Chances are than I may not like it.

28.Thou shall not steal someone's lookup-art-whatever

This is why I no longer draw. I never could code, so, who cares. But, art thief is my pet peeve. If you'r good enough to blur a picture, change the colors and add your pet, you are surely able to do one yourself.

Right?

29.Thou shall whine to editorial about this stuff

-Too many effin' pirate avatars. And, I like pirates. But, where is the sketch love? Gold-silver? Where's the none-retired Jhuidah avatar?
-Hello, library faerie day -_-
-Faellies, Angelpusses, Hasees and Kadoaties does not need more colors.
-Pepitos, Carmas and Bowlas do, however.
-We need a Faerie Skeith. With ity bity tiny wings.
-I said Skeith but, we need a Faerie Eyrie as well.
-Why is the Darigan Pteri MIA?
-And, the Darigan Shoyru isn't?
-Cooty avatar. Pretty sure it was dandelion who had a nifty concept.
-More band merchandising. I want Twisted Roses plushies, to send to all pseudo-goths.
-Solist artists in Tyrannia. Including a pop-rock Nimmo doing the Hillary Duff dance.
-Devamp the Halloween Nimmo and Faerie Koi
-Scratch faerie in my last quote. Devamp the effin' Koi. My avatar does not fit anymore.
-Why does the Maraquan Grackle Bug restock (In DESERT petpets at that!)but, not the Blue one?
-Devamp the Angelpuss, while we're at it.
-Give the Escape avatar to people who win EFMC level of the week as well.
-Stop giving random contests that involve scissors, knifes, needles and me.
...

30.On the other hand, Thou shall stop bothering editorial with...

-Angelpuss, Kadoatie, Hasee and Faellie attention. They have enough.
-Asparagus World. It exists. The door is on oifetchmecorona's lookup. Unless I confused it with the laundry room.
-Anything related to Premium. It will never get out of Beta. It does not exist.
-Jelly World. Yes, Cellblock's Number 5 is insane. It does not exist.
-Wheel of monotony questions.
-Questions about TCG. Meh.
-Chia fruits colors. We have enough. Don't wonder why they are loved by Lupes.
-Guildmaster's dinner.

31.TNT, Thou shall give us more signature space

Because 95% of the time I find good lyrics, it is three characters too long and, I cannot use my wonderful [font c=gray s=1][center] neoHTML for signature.

It looks too large, black or left aligned. Depending on my mood.

32.Remember the Salvation crosses mentionned in my shop article. Thou shall ban them

Because I don't want to be saved, being lost is fun. And, isn't religion not allowed anyways?

33.Thou shall not be report-happy about some stuff.

jesus4242 might be called Jesus Ramirez
godette is not a pun on God, it can be because gaudette is taken.
Christian = Male name
GWB = Grundos With Brooms.
isukterri is probably someone from China, who meant I am Terri Suk.

Don't report without knowing.

34.TNT, Thou shall fix bugs. Or, Thou shall let everyone know. At once

April 4th, 2004.

Enough said?

35.Thou shall not act like a asshat to get iced with a bang

Nobody cares about asshats. You only feed the report-happy newbies anyways. I think I reported someone once, on the Neoboards. When I made up the country of Zolaria on the HC and, said I'd attack Wisconsin with Slingshots and snowballs.

I did this to piss off a American idiot. =D Which got iced afterwards. Booyah.

Now, I won't do that. The FBI knows. I got warned. By them, not by TNT. They do have a humor sense, see.

But, if idiots had a country, it would be easier to control them. You'd bomb Idiotland. But, not. They attack worldwide.

If the idiot population proportion is the same everywhere, China has the most idiots. =D Not America. Hit that, anti-Merkins.

36.Adam, Thou shall do the editorial

6². Booyah.

Because you have humor sense. The prisoner is a swank series. And, your plushie looks cooler than Donna's anyways.

Oh yeah, you have more NP than me. Donna doesn't. Therefore, you pwn.

And you know...we actually TRUST you when you say something. We know you mean it, when you say something will be done. Most of the time. Although I didn't like my pets being Chias.

And, the evil fuzzles picture qbureau did is the funniest thing ever.

37.Thou shall not ask for cheap Mint Kyrii Ice Cream & Blue Draik Eggs.

Unless you mean over a million for Mint Kyrii Ice Cream and 2 millions for Blue Draik Egg. Ebil gourmet clubbers. But, honestly, both of these should be r96 or r97. Not r95. Blue is the highest priced PB or the four basic, why is the blue Draik egg the lowest rarity?

38.Thou shall not say people don't give expensive stuff

I gave cheap stuff, pretty bouquets and squishy brain wraps. Got stuff worth way more than that in return. Yes, including a paint brush. Petpets. Neggs. TCG. =D

My Blue Lenny plushie pwnors, though. Forgot who sent it to me. But, the thing being my fav. item on the site, it's special in my eyes.

39.Thou shall not start silly rumors. Not in the person's back.

I didn't get my snot pet by fighting Meuka. In fact, I cannot beat Meuka. I don't even have Punchbag Bob. The pet is yet-on-my-last-spare.
I am not a monitor. Yes, I was asked this a lot, during the Guildmaster's dinner, because I owned SabathaTheSilent. Which is rotting on a spare, now. Poor Sabs.
I am not TEH Jazz. He can confirm that fact. I am however, the other Jazz.

40.Avatars. Thou shall notice...

Than the ugliest avatars are the easiest to get. And, the swanky ones, retired or insanely hard to get.

I hate NQII. I hate EFMC. I want the avatars. Please?
On the other hand, Usukis are fugly. I don't want those. Take them away.

41.TNT, Thou shall fix your filters.

"Bras" is "arms" in french. Please. Saying bas+r is so 2004. Superior apprendixes is confusing.

42.Thou shall not use the terms n00b

n00bs is a confusing term.

Call them waffles, you can eat them, at least.

n00b are icky. Like boys.

43.Thou shall not ask ten times the same questions. With more typos each times.

Healing springs are in Faerieland, south of Jhudora, the one who gave your pet Floppy Tongue.
Job Coupons can be won in Brightvale, or bought.
Turmaculus isn't awake yet. Just check picovamde's petpage.
No, we don't know how to get the XYZ avatar.
No, I don't hear the music in your shop.
Von Roo is awake midnight to 1, NST
Snowager IS awake. Wait, you meant asleep.

44.TNT, Thou shall give us a raise.

Because 200 NP isn't much anymore. We need a little more to start. Like...500 NP or something.

Wait. Freebie link =D

But, the thing isn't eternal. And, would it be considered cheating to use it on spares?

45.TNT again, Thou shall make a snake pet.

Because Kastraliss is nifty. Because snakes are nifty. Because the Lutari is ugly anyways.

And, don't involve Slugawoos. Please.

46.Thou shall not inflate

I wanted a Raindorf. UB. Weren't those things...25K? Or something?

Damn avatars hunters.

47.Thou shall boycott Mootix

Too many stuff about them. If I find one, I feed it to a Skeith. Or, hope that the thing won't attach before. While secretly hoping it does.

But, Mootixes are evil. They're everywhere. Hello? Was the Abroogala/Spinderello released or not? The three new petpetpets?

Naked chicken?

Bagatelle = Fun, because we hurt Mootises.

And, what is the plural of Mootix anways? Yes, I spelled it three ways. =D

48.Thou shall read the editorial more often, grasshopper

Because 95% of the questions asked on the Neoboards are there. Go fetch. Mutant Blumaroos should not be the ones having all the fun. Yes, sometimes, it's crap. But, you might learn something.

Like, someday, we'll have Neoschool.

49.TNT, thou shall respect your promises

And get rid of orange in purple pets-petpets-items. Please? Kreludor is pointless. Give it a point or don't.

If you choose the latter, please, ditch the freckles. Herpes = bad.

50. Thou shall not Neopets RP...at least, not on Neo.

It was banned from FC, isn't allowed in RP.

Hello, where do I go to RP my schizoid Koi who thinks he's a serial killer Scorchio?

I don't like petsjournal much, sadly, my own journal is left in wastes.

51. Thou shall not judge someone by their avatar

As mentionned previously, I have the grey avatar. No grey pet. Used to have one. First repertoried grey Ixi in Neopia. According to most people. (If you got one before July 14, noon...good for you. I got mine there)

I am not rich, don't have the ray or anything. Sorry. Go beg elsewhere.

My friend has the pink avatar, no pink pet. She lost her Ixi in transfer (Wanted to surprise me. -_- Shame on me, shouldn't have gone and played Bagatelle while she was telling me to refresh at the pound.)

52.Thou shall not lie

About not having Flash and needing NP.

You want, not need. And, I was flash-less until...December 2004?

One year of hell, playing Pyramids, without finishing the thing once? But, don't care, managed to get transmo and stuff from it.

53.Thou shall not put someone's name in a board.

Without their consent. It's awful. When it's a thanks you board, it's cool. But, a "omg he scammed me" because you refused to help get getting the MAGAX avatar? OMGNO.

54.Thou shall not start a list of commandements about Neopets.

Because everyone will stop reading after 6 anyways. Unless you're bored. Or, you really love me. Or, you're high-drunk-dying.

It was supposed to be a 10 articles list. Became 12. Then, 20. 26, for my age. And, finally, 35. Added some more. And more. -_-.

EDIT:d00d, 50.

55.Thou shall not trust this lysandersama dude.

He's mental. He's truly Mr Insane in disguise. He's awake, at 3 AM, does a list about Neopets stuff. Even though he quit. Unless he got the LC right. And, since he got no luck, he won't. No odds in hell 26 is the answer. It's my age, though. Almost.

If you have any issues with what I said, plese, dung this lysandersama guy. He's heartless.

56.Thou shall worship the insane.

For we took over the internet a long time ago. We're cynical, critics, savage, wild. You think you can help me? I'm looking for more ideas. Because my brain farted.

Insanity is the key to success on Neopets. Anyone doing more than feeding its pet is officially insane. Hurray. You're all insane.

You battle pixels? You're insane?
You RP pixels? You're worst.
You spend days on games to paint your pixels. Gosh, you're strange.

=D

Cheer up. =P

They'll call the nuthouse for you. Because you jumped from the fifth floor, dying at 2990 at Magax.

Honestly, I hope you didn't expect something short. I could have done it in three parts. But, decided agaisnt it.

I feel like changing parts of it and, submitting it to the Neopian Times.

Split in ten, could get me the avatar. =D I could go on and on.

But, I'd kill you on the spot if I did add points to it. Not than I run out of ideas.

Tra la la.

EDIT 1.0: Gosh, was I bored last night. Oh yeah, I was.

Keeping this public, because I pwn you.

Welcome to Cumulonimbus

neopets commandements. read. or else. i shall smite you.